No. 355, October 20, 1997

A tip for better communication

Do We Mean the Same Thing?

I wish my wife, my children and my colleagues could read my mind. Then they would know exactly what I mean in different situations. They would interpret my body language correctly and understand the meaning of my words. Well, perhaps I do not want them to read all of my thoughts, but I think you the reader know what I mean. It is quite simply the case that the great majority of misunderstandings occur when we have different "pictures" of what is meant.

The linguist Noam Chomsky discussed this when he said that there is a surface, abstract language (what we say) and a deep, concrete language (what we mean). How can we use this knowledge?

• Be concrete. Ask when you do not understand. John Grinder, the founder of NLP and also a linguist, thinks that we should ask ourselves what is behind that which people say. When someone asks you if you can help them, ask them how you can "help them" and in what way. When you yourself ask for "help" sometime, say how and what kind of help it is that you need.
  
  
• Give a clear "picture" of what you mean. Taking a simple example from daily life at home, your picture of what "clean up your room" means may differ considerably from the picture your teenager has. It is first when we have a common picture that the prerequisites exist for "speaking the same language" and meaning the same thing.

"Clean up the room" is an ordinary situation in daily life, but at work it may concern important questions of safety. One person’s picture of "Check if everything’s all right" with the dangerous chemicals can be interpreted one way by one individual and another way by another.

Test this the next time you are concluding a meeting. Ask people what picture they have of the work agreed upon. The clearer the common picture is the greater the chance that what you are in agreement on will be done. The same applies to goals and visions. The more people who have a clear picture of how goals and visions are to be put into practice within the organization, the greater the chance of success.

Good luck! John Steinberg

© 1997 Strategies to Learn & Grow Newsletter • Printable version