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No. 351, August 25, 1997

How to give criticism in a constructive way

Giving personal critique to others in a constructive manner is among the most difficult of all tasks. It is easy to hurt the other person and to activate completely different processes, than those which we had intended to start. In order to succeed we must have a very clear and positive purpose with our criticism.

Let us look at the most difficult type of criticism, that which is closely related to our personalities. For example, how we speak in front of a group, how we solve conflicts, our ways of bringing up children, etc. Is it at all necessary to give criticism? No, in many cases it is best to let the person come to their own conclusions with time. However, it is needed when a person’s actions through carelessness, ignorance or anger cause human suffering or economic loss.

Ask yourself: "What is my purpose in criticizing?" "How is this person going to receive it?" "What results do I want to achieve?" And finally: "How shall I go about obtaining these results?" All of this is of course much easier if we know the person well.

The art is many times in being able to differentiate between our own personal reaction and that which is actually occurring. Sometimes we misinterpret a situation because it reminds us of something from our own past. We react strongly and say, in affect: "What are you doing! You’re doing it wrong! You don’t have the right to do that." Our judgment of the person is based on a feeling we have that disturbs us. The person in turn doesn’t understand where all these feelings come from and feels put down and attacked.

People become afraid and loose self-confidence when criticised in the wrong manner. It’s like throwing out the baby with the bath water. They loose their creativity and their power of initiative while trying to avoid any further criticism.

Here are some constructive ways to initiate a discussion around difficult, sensitive subjects, where it is difficult to give criticism:

Best of Luck! Jonas Himmelstrand


© 1997 Strategies to Learn & Grow Newsletter • Printable version

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