No. 572, September 10, 2007

The importance of attachment in learning

Our understanding of the importance of emotion and attachment has exploded during the last decade. We now know that emotion runs the brain, driving our learning and growth. What a paradox that what we often tried to deny, our emotions, is actually a basis in human existence.

This is the main message in the article The Heart of the Matter: the role of emotion and attachment in learning and behaviour by psychologist Gordon Neufeld, whom we presented in no. 566. Neufeld explains in the article, based on modern brain science, why focus on behaviour and consequences will never be very effective in learning or in child raising.

Through the limbic system of the brain children move to attach to those responsible for them. A well-developed attachment between children and significant adults is vital for adults to be able to foster and teach. The expression "to win their hearts" can be taken literally, according to Neufeld. It is very difficult to foster and teach children and adolescents whose hearts we have not managed to win.

When we have won a child’s or a young person’s heart, they will give us their attentation and loyalty. Then we can do our work much more easily. The children want to live up to our expectations and do not want to disappoint us.

The crunch, according to Neufeld, is that the heart is also a place of great vulnerability. Giving someone our heart makes us vulnerable, confidences can be broken, disappointments and "broken hearts" may follow. In situations where young people feel unsafe with no trustworthy person to attach to, the vulnerability can be experienced as insurmountable.

An even more primitive part of the limbic system in the brain protects us from being overwhelmed with vulnerability by making us insensitive and "invulnerable" at the price of coldness and distrust to our surroundings – which makes fostering, learning and good behaviours practically impossible. We can see this escape from vulnerability in young people who lack empathy, who do not feel guilt, who do not forgive, who are bored and don’t experience fear, according to Neufeld.

Unfortuately our well-meaning attempts to foster our children with disciplin and consequences and by modifiying their behaviours, can harden their hearts.

Instead we have to realize the need to win the hearts of the next generation, nurturing our rapport with them, protecting their hearts and softening them. Then fostering, learning and behaviour is no great problem, according to Neufeld. According to modern brain science fostering, learning as well as parenthood has its base in our hearts.

Gordon is an internationally acclaimed psychologist with many years of clinical experience. He is one of the authors to the renowned book Hold On To Your Kids.

Creative regards! Jonas Himmelstrand

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© 2007 Strategies to Learn & Grow Newsletter • Printable version